Technicolour Thoughts

‘Do you think in colour?’
My hovering pointer, hesitant between choices:
A, yes. B, no.
I think.
I visualise daffodils; yellowgreen, as clear as the daisies on my desktop.
I visualise emotion; screams of colour and pictures chasing into one another.
I click A.

But as I clutch at fleeing
Memories they
Mesh into a-monochrome-mess.
Today’s technicolour thoughts shall
Become tomorrow’s monochrome memories.
My, how we regress.

The Martyrdom Of Self

I am not Hunter S Thompson.
I am not Chuck Palahniuk.
I am not a writer, poet or artist.
I am not gentle.
I am not caring.
I am not original.

I am a forgotten genius.
I am a photoshopped smile.
I am selfish.
I am vain.
I am addicted.
I am influenced:
“It’s ok to cry as long as you’re faking it”

‘Phony’ isn’t the right word, but it’s the first word that comes to mind.

I am a liar.



I am human.

Commonwealth Essay Competition

And so the annual Commonwealth Essay Competition rolls round again. Here's the question I picked:

1. EITHER tell us about your favourite book OR your favourite place AND what it means to you.

Here's the answer that I'm never going to be allowed to submit:

My favourite book is ‘A Little Princess’ by Frances Hodgson Burnett. I like it because it is about a little girl who goes from being very rich to very poor.

Is this the kind of book you want me to write about? Is this the kind of answer you’re looking for? No, I don’t think it is. I don’t think you want a simpering, sugary sweet ode to Frances Hodgson Burnett. Let me try again.

William Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’, though not technically a book, is one of my favourite literary works. From the reader’s perspective, ‘Hamlet’ transcends its status as a strict revenge tragedy, and becomes an interesting object of study from the psychological viewpoint. I have discovered it to be a multifaceted piece of literature; to be enjoyed as a play or visual masterpiece, to be enjoyed as a study of man’s psyche, to be enjoyed by worship of character, or simply to be enjoyed.

No. This won’t work either. Too pedantic. Oh, I’ve got it.

Shyam Selavadurai’s Cinnamon Gardens is my favourite book because it is written about my country, Sri Lanka, during the period of British colonial rule. I like it because it is a happy insight into a period when my country was more peaceful and prosperous than it is at present. It's nice to be able to read about such a happy time, since it doesn’t look like we’ll be experiencing anything similar anytime soon.

That’s what you want to hear isn’t it? It’s so easy to write down what people want to hear, but what about what I really want to say? Would it be too controversial for me to tell you that a couple of my favourite books are ‘Choke’ by Chuck Palahniuk and 'On The Road' by Jack Kerouac? Two of my favourite books are about sex, drugs and depravity. Am I out of the running yet?

Have you noticed that I’ve been saying “a couple of my favourite books” instead of “my favourite book”? How can you ask somebody what their favourite book is? You can ask someone what their favourite colour is, because the range of possible answers is limited (unless of course you’re one of those people who assign exotic names to every shade and hue of the spectrum; see vermilion, sepia, cadmium, etc.) But you’re asking me what my favourite book is? I hate the use of such narrow absolutes. I understand that you want to limit my answer, which is fine. But the phrasing of your question completely dismisses that fact that most people find it impossible to name their single favourite book! Could you not have asked, “Discuss the impact that one of your favourite books has had on you?”. In order to answer your question, I have to lie. My favourite book changes every year, every day, every mood. But according to you, I have only one. And now I have to write about it. How can I choose? You’re forcing my books to undergo a complicated process of screening and selection. It’s a book audition. Which would be most suitable. Which would be least offensive. Which is the most likely to win that big fat prize...Fortunately, prizes are not what I'm after. So here it is. This is the real answer.

A lot of books have meant a lot of different things to me at a lot of different times in my life. I suppose you could say I read a lot. I like books a lot. This makes my task difficult. Which of these many books is going to make the cut? Which one am I going to single out as my ‘favourite’? To be entirely honest, I don’t even have a particular favourite. For sure, there are numerous books that I love and admire. But the word favourite? Well, that’s an absolute, and I don’t like absolutes. The books that I like change from day to day and from mood to mood. Today, my ‘favourite’ is ‘Choke’ by Chuck Palahniuk. Yesterday it was ‘Atonement’ by Ian McEwan. Tomorrow it may be ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’ by Oscar Wilde. Next week it may be ‘Atonement’ again. If I drew up a graph of my favourite books, it would be wildly fluctuating. I suppose I’m not answering the question, and even if I was I suspect my tone far too casual for an essay competition.

This is the honest excerpt, but I know that’s not what you want. I won't be allowed to send this in anyway, so I suppose this was all for my own amusement...